Scale Entitlement

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My self-awarded gold star

If I had to give myself a grade for my health-related choices yesterday, it would be about an A-. I moved around a lot because I had some cleaning to do around the house. I stayed away from sugar other than a little flavored creamer in my coffee at church. I had fresh veggies with lunch and controlled my portions. Instead of a sweet treat at night, I had a handful of pistachios. Go me!

Sure, I could have included a workout or avoided an extra couple of bites of lunch, but I felt really good about my day. Because of my nearly stellar performance (please read with a slightly sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek tone), I expected a lower number on the scale this morning.

Instead, a higher number stared back up at me. Wouldn’t it be nice if this never happened? When I have a good day, I feel like I’ve earned weight loss. If I don’t get it, I feel a bit slighted. Why doesn’t the scale acknowledge my hard work?

Unfortunately, my scale does not award gold stars. Sometimes, my efforts lead to a loss, but I’m going to be in trouble if I always look to the scale for my reinforcement.  I have to remind myself that it’s just one way to gauge progress. So, instead of giving the scale all the power, I gave myself a gold star. Take that.

Feeling Weighed Down

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As promised, I’m here to share this morning’s weigh-in. I’ve also decided that any weigh-in post really needs to have “weigh” in the title, so be prepared to enjoy my cleverness until I run out of ideas.

I’m at either 246 or 249, depending on whether you believe the first or second time I weighed myself. I’m officially going with 249. I’m honestly feeling a bit embarrassed to share this, since this means I’ve gained about 15 pounds since mid-July. The good news is that some of this is as a result of a certain almost-7-year-old’s birthday treats. Going back to my normal eating will take away a few of these pounds pretty quickly.

I woke up this morning with a sore throat that I think is from my acid reflux. I have been feeling a bit blah lately, which means it’s even more important that I get some healthy habits in place asap.

I attempted to limit myself to one acid reflux/IBS trigger food this past week. Since caffeine is on that list, this involved singing to myself in the car about keeping my eyes open on the way to work multiple days in a row. I had 1/4 cup of coffee mixed with hot water and creamer a couple of times, and then there were the birthday treats. So, I had one…plus eight or so. I felt guilty about it, and then I felt guilty about feeling guilty since I know I shouldn’t. Oh, boy.

So, my next step is trying another week with one trigger food. Also, I signed up for a fun run with the kiddo for Friday, and it sounds like we might practice once or twice before that. I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

Scale Avoidance

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“I’m sorry. Do I know you? I’m so bad with names. Scale? Hmmm…I can’t quite recall.”

 

My weight has been creeping up the last couple of months. I only know this because I’ve weighed myself once this month and three times in August. I used to weigh myself often. Not daily, but I kept an eye on what was happening. I’ve also gone through phases of not weighing myself and using other types of measurement. I’ve measured inches, I’ve tracked food, and I’ve tracked my habits. All have been associated with a fairly similar downward trend on the scale.

When there is no measurement of any kind, though, I’m on a slippery slope. If going about my business without a thought worked for me, I would not be writing this blog. I’ve been in denial, and it’s time to pay closer attention to how I’ve been taking care of myself. It might not be pretty at first, but that’s better than throwing away all my progress. I think I need to start posting my weight more. So, I guess I’ll see you all tomorrow.

“It’s nice to meet you, Scale. Let me introduce you to my friends.”

 

The Stubbornness Factor

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When you last heard from me, I said all the right things. I was honest about where I was tripping up, gave myself some grace, and said I would pick up from there and start heading in the right direction.

Well, this time the magic formula didn’t work.

Instead, I spent almost two weeks breaking promises to myself. I said I would cut back to one non-water beverage per day. This seemed reasonable since not too long ago I drank one coffee or pop per week. No dice. I made a goal to get more sleep. My Garmin yelled at me. In the last month, I averaged less sleep per night than 96% of my demographic. I don’t trust this number. Apparently, moms of very young children don’t use Garmins. Anyway, the only thing that has forced me into more sleep is my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad cold.

Why didn’t they work? Because, sometimes an adult brain works about the same as a toddler’s. I didn’t wanna. I wanted to eat and drink what I wanted, when I wanted. And, I wanted to stay up late staring at my phone and watching Netflix. Yes, the stubborn factor.

I am relearning that I have to play mind games with myself. Now, all I have to do is slow down when I’m eating and eat off dishes while sitting. And, guess what? It’s working. I’m changing way more than those two habits without even trying. Really? That’s all it took?!

I’m a little frustrated that I have to go through such a run around. For once, I would like to just cut to the chase and make a quick, painless change. Unfortunately, there aren’t any shortcuts. I just need to hang in there with the slow and methodical tweaks until my want-to outweighs my don’t-wanna. Time to put the pouty face away and be a grown-up.

 

 

The Lawn Mower Killer

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I’m a lawn mower killer. Not only did I break our lawn mower, but also our friends’ lawn mower. Follow that up with a van that doesn’t start and a refrigerator that won’t keep things cool, and I have a little bit of a mess.

It seems that even my strategy of pushing ahead through imperfections doesn’t always give me the end product I was hoping for. Let’s review.

  • There’s a weird long patch of grass in my backyard (thankfully, my husband mowed most of the remaining yard with the neighbor’s mower).
  • My food is packed into a mini-fridge waiting for a permanent home.
  • Some of the plants I started inside are doing great, but a lot of them died when I was forced to put them on the porch when the light I was using inside burnt out and then left them out overnight a little too early.
  • My volleyball training plan I wrote about in April is the last thing I’m thinking about.
  • I’m eating more chocolate and drinking more coffee than my digestive system prefers.
  • I haven’t blogged for a very long time. 🙂

All this to say that I have taken some hits to my confidence lately. To be honest, sometimes I just suck at things.

Thankfully, my life isn’t sustained by my self esteem. Just having confidence in my own abilities isn’t going to get me through. Things will go wrong. Sometimes very wrong. Sometimes it will be out of my control. Sometimes it will be completely my fault. At the end of the day, there’s not much I can do about it but get help when I need it and dust myself off and keep on going.

So, I am here to tell you that I’m not letting these recent issues keep me down. It’s been awesome to see how God has provided for us with rides and loaned vehicles while the van has been out of commission. I’m excited to see how God is working in our neighborhood as my church is in the beginning stages of a church plant there. We’re thinking about starting the process to adopt from foster care soon.There are too many awesome things going on for me to be negative right now.

 

Zzzzzz

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Today is the last day of April. I survived! Congratulations to everyone who completed the A to Z Challenge! After running around all morning (I almost have all my steps in for the day after coaching soccer), I’m going to celebrate making it through the challenge with a nap. I’ve been looking forward to this nap all week. The only things that might keep me from it are the books I bought during our Barnes and Noble date night last night. Sleep? Read? Such a difficult choice. What will really happen is I will try to read and fall asleep after a few pages. Sounds delightful.

Sweet Scale Success!

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As much as I love the idea of hanging in there and doing my best when I’m not losing weight, it can get a little exhausting. After three months of the scale hovering around the same number, it’s finally heading down! This morning, I weighed in at 235.2 pounds. I’m soooo close to the huge milestone of 40 pounds lost. To give you some perspective, I’ve been working on this chunk of 10 pounds for the last 6 months.

I’m really enjoying my week off of all goals. I’m not going crazy and throwing all caution to the wind. I’m still making healthy choices for the most part; I spent an hour digging in the garden today and picked a 100 calorie Greek yogurt for an evening snack. I’ll pick up a couple of goals on Monday, but until then I’m drinking in the sweet freedom.

A Minute in My Mind

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Today’s post will show you a two minute look into my mind. I spent one minute writing whatever thought popped up. Then, I took one idea from that paragraph to focus on specifically for another minute.

Be warned: I did not edit any of this, even though I desperately wanted to. This week, I’m feeling like everything has been forced, so this is just a little exercise for me to lay it all out there and be real. I let myself finish a sentence if I was in the middle, but that’s it.

Minute 1

I know this was supposed to be impromptu, but I totally tried to plan it anyway. Crazy. I’m thinking I need to organize my blog pages a little better. I love when blogs have topics up at the top of the screen to pick from. Also, I’m feel a little burnt out. I’m hoping that a week off will help.

Minute 2

Burnt out. I’m still over two weeks away from my next weigh in. I don’t know how this is going to go. I’m already a little tired of tracking my food. I’m going to stick it out, but things are going to have to change after that. I’m going to just take a second to breathe and look around me. I’m ready to start thingking about maintenance, but I know it’s a ways away.

 

Jumbled Brain

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The letter J has been taunting me all day. I missed my post yesterday, and now all I see are J’s: the jalapeños in my  lunch, the Jeeps and Jettas surrounding my during a traffic jam, and more. I didn’t post yesterday, because my day was packed with dentists and soccer commitments. Plus, my brain was jumbled. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I needed to do, should do, wanted to do, and could do.

Thankfully, I have mostly recovered from my jumbled brain condition. However, I’m thinking that once I get to my next weigh-in day on May 5th, I’m going to take a break from goals for a week. I just need a little recharge so that I can stay focused.

Back to Basics

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While I had a good wave of success from my first session of not weighing myself, I’m feeling something slip. I’m not sure what’s going on exactly, but I’m glad to start a new month since that will help me refocus. It always helps me to go back to the basics and really working at the habits that have gotten me this far. Along those lines, I’d like to share my April goals.

1. Blog every day but Sundays (Be sure to check out other participants of the A to Z challenge!).
2. Eat three servings of vegetables every day.
3. Stick to only one acid reflux trigger food per week (caffeine, coffee, chocolate, pop, mint, alcohol, and fried food).
4. Hit my step goal five out of seven days each week (we’re up to 6,500 steps…not as flashy as some step goals, but it’s an improvement for me).

What are your April goals?