My Own Little White World – Part 1

My Story

Hanging with the cousins – I’m the one in the blue dress, my sister is behind me, and my brother is in the bottom left corner.

As I read my Facebook and Twitter, I see many different perspectives on race and how it fits into our lives. In my heart, I know I have a lot to say about this topic, but I wonder what can I add to the conversation. All I can do is share my story. For those expecting to see a weight loss blog entry, please bear with me (my weigh-in this morning was 236.2 pounds in case you’re interested). As a blog writer, I’m convinced it would be a tragedy to say nothing. I have a small platform, but it’s time for me to step up to it.

As a Christian, I believe that every part of me and every part of you was intricately designed by God. Much of a Christian’s life seems to be spent figuring out what it means to live faithfully where He’s placed us, whether it is race, gender, culture, socioeconomic status, country of origin, time in history, family, skills, or personality. We serve a creative, intentional God who shows His glory in His creation. If you love God, please take the time to notice the beauty in the diversity of the people He created in His image. I beg you to spend time getting to know people who are different from you and try to see the world from their perspective. If not, you are missing out on seeing the goodness of God from so many different angles.

This is where I’m coming from, but how did I get here? It’s a long story, so I will only share part of it today. Everyone has an entry point to their development of racial identity. Mine was to working class white parents in a suburb of Indianapolis. They attended a fiercely independent Baptist church,  and they home schooled. In some ways, this set me up to be…let’s say quirky. It also set me up to be okay with standing against widespread beliefs and questioning how society and the church in America works.

My mom grew up in the southwest and had a daughter from a previous marriage to a Navajo man. My dad’s family moved from France to the hill country of Missouri and sang blue grass and Southern gospel together at their family gatherings. My dad adopted my sister when he married my mom, so I was born with an 11 year old sister who was half Navajo and half white and a 2 and a half year old brother who was white.

From birth, I had a role model who had darker skin, hair, and eyes than I did. I am aware that not everyone has this opportunity. When I was old enough to be mobile, I was the annoying little sister who sat outside her big sister’s locked door crying because I wanted to spend every second with her. When I started getting dolls, I wanted the white dolls with blonde hair, but I also wanted the black dolls (I don’t remember seeing any Latina, Asian or Native American dolls at the stores then).

Just having a biracial sister did not mean I was an instant expert on race, but it did mean that my impressions of people of other races started early in my life. Other than the usual sibling drama, these daily impressions were positive. It was through these lenses that I interpreted the things that I saw and heard people say. We’ll get to that next time.

 

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Am I Enough?

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Found this on my way to punch in at work today. Convenient.

Okay, ladies. Let’s have a heart to heart here. Based on the reaction to a similar post about comparison, I want to go a little deeper.

I have heard a lot of questions swirling around about if we’re doing enough to lose weight and be healthy. Am I eating enough protein? Am I exercising enough? Am I lifting enough? Am I cutting back on my calories enough?

 

There are certain expectations that we hold ourselves to. When we don’t measure up to these, we start questioning our worth, value, and identity. This is true in all aspects of life for a lot of us. Am I pretty enough? Am I organized enough? Do I spend enough time with my kids? Am I cleaning my house enough?

Am I enough?

 

There are a lot of ways to answer this. A simple yes would be the most feel-good, self-help, greeting card kind of answer. The truth is we feel stretched in so many directions that it’s impossible to keep up. There are days that my house is a disaster, I cost us $50 in late fees because I forgot to pay a bill on time, I didn’t get in my workout, and I just want to lock myself in my room with a gallon of ice cream and sob.

We are all flawed. We are all human. In a way, none of us are enough.

That’s not the end of it, though. Our lives are not a performance or an audition. We don’t have to be good enough. I have to force myself to stop and remind myself who is in charge. Whatever life God has given me to live, I don’t have to do it alone. He has put me where I am for a reason, and He will get me through it.

I’m not usually a big fan of Christian movies (like Fireproof and Facing the Giants), but I love watching Moms’ Night Out whenever I need a good cry. Even if you never watch the movie, check out this clip.

Why I Write

0115160956It’s funny how the best pictures tell a story, while the best writing paints a picture. Quality art in all forms seems to transcend its limitations to point to something more than itself. In the same way, I yearn for my art and my life to point to something greater than my own words and ideas.

I am not an artist in the traditional sense. I don’t draw or paint (that’s my husband’s thing). I am also not a public speaker by nature, so I can only admire spoken word artists like Blair Linne, Jackie Hill Perry, and Propaganda. While I love singing and photography, I only dabble. My first artistic love is writing.

When I was eight years old, my friend Anna and I started the Writer’s Club (my inspiration was a combination of Anne of Green Gables and the Babysitter’s Club). From that moment forward, I considered myself a writer. The weird part was that I didn’t always feel like I had something important to say. Or, I would make grand plans for a story or a novel and it would never get too much past the planning stage. I did write, but not as much or as well as I had hoped. I dreamed of becoming a journalist, but chose teaching as my major instead (it turns out, I’m not designed for the typical teacher role). When I was in college, I discovered a love of poetry. I was pretty good at it, but I didn’t stick with it consistently even though I hoped to get some of my creations published.

What I’ve learned recently, though, is that I do have something to say. I may not always know what that is or who will listen, but I have a responsibility to share it. When I write, I feel as if barriers are stripped away and I can truly convey what I mean. I’m far from perfect, however, and sometimes I just write what I think people would want to read. As I stumble through my blog posts, I hope that even a tiny part of my writing hints at something (Someone) greater than these words or this woman. That Someone gives me purpose and meaning. That Someone holds the universe in His hand. That Someone loves me, rescued me, and continues to rescue me daily. That Someone is Jesus.

By His strength, for His glory, in His arms

~ Becky

Slow Down

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In most things in life, I take my time:

  • Washing dishes
  • Making decisions
  • Running (actually, I think it’s considered walking…)
  • Reading (I love to read, but I also like soak everything in as I go.)

Some call it slow. I call it detail oriented and intentional. Even though striving to be faster at some things has its benefits (deciding where to eat dinner, for example), I’m learning to embrace my slower tendencies.

In the realm of weight loss, I’m focusing on savoring my food instead of wolfing it down. I’ve decided that I would rather have a little bit of some exceptionally delicious food and take my time than eat a bunch of so-so food. My dessert plate at Thanksgiving dinner this week will be a true test of how I’m applying this lesson. 🙂

It’s not just limited to food or weight loss, though. I spend so much of my time rushing from one place to task to another that I don’t appreciate God’s beautiful creation or the good gifts He’s given me.

The world around me tends to value productivity and efficiency, but taking my time and noticing the details helps me remember what really matters, from a beautiful sunset to a fun date with my husband to story time with the kiddo.

Fitness World Detox

No, not this kind of detox...

No, not this kind of detox…

Okay, so I need to keep it real here. One of my priorities during weight loss is for it to supplement and support my life and not become my life. I’ve been listening to too many podcasts, reading too many books, and thinking too much about other people’s opinions and strategies. I need to back off a bit from those things and focus on me and what I need to do to get healthy. I don’t need more information than I already have to lose weight and be healthier than I am right now. It’s time for a detox from the fitness world.

In keeping with my blog name, I’m still going to allow myself something. I’m done with fitness blogs for the most part (other than this blog and a few from people who I’ve met though the blog). I’m also taking a break from books, articles, and podcasts other than my weekly community meeting and maybe a podcast or two a week. Fitness, as I thought I had learned, can’t be my god any more than food can. Time to spend more time with Him and less time worrying about what people I’ve never met are doing.

Weigh-in Day! – 7/16/15

249.6

Total weight lost: 25.4 pounds

This is 2.6 pounds down from last week. I hit a couple of milestones today. I hit the big 2-5 in total weight lost, plus I left the 40’s in BMI (40 and above is considered morbidly obese).

It’s my biggest loss in a very long time, and that’s during a week that I ate some delicious food. Check out the list: a wedding cupcake, KFC mac and cheese, an M&M cookie, Jets pizza, a diet Pepsi float, root beer chata, and probably way too much coffee (and that’s just what I could think of right this second).

In case you’re wondering what I’m working on, here are my current goals:

Goals 7/16/15

This is on my computer, so I can remind myself of my goals. It includes some workout and eating goals, plus the next pound down (to remind myself to take my time) and “Change Project” to remind myself to read this great book by Tim Chester called You Can Change.

This book is helping me keep my focus on why I am on this journey. There are all kinds of reasons to lose weight but none of the usual ones have been enough for me to stick to it. I have been putting food and weight loss on a pedestal for too long. I am Christian, and I worship the God of the Bible. He deserves all my praise, not a bowl of ice cream or the latest fitness craze. It sounds pretty ridiculous when you think about it, but it’s been my normal for so long that I was blind too it. Time to smash some idols.